Imagine this film...

Picture this:

Ok, so Will Smith is a cop, I was thinking it was in LA. Wherever he is, he lives with his family in a dodgy neighbourhood. Right next to a gang. And he has hilarious banter with them like, one time, when killing fairies in his garden:

The gang's all like "That's not allowed!" 

and Will is all "Today it is"
as he pounds the fairy with a broom.

Anyway, on his cop duties, for better integration of different folks within the force Will Smith is paired with a Goblin. To be a shining example for all creatures.

I know what you're thinking: 

it's a lot like Zootropolis/Zootopia. 

But bare with it because, during a police shift, Will and the Goblin go and do police work in places like Elf Land and Pixie Place. In one of these quarters they find this misfit girl, probably some kind of Fairie, and she has this extremely powerful Magic Wand. It can grant wishes. (Queue scene with hilarious banter on what they'd wish for). Anyway, some evil pixies and elves want it. So there's a lot of car chase sequences, including a Skoda or something. Then they have to work as an unlikely cop duo to save the girl and secure the wand.

I have been thinking today

Is there a name for the feeling when  you open your purse after a night out and then there's no cash left and you're horrified and confused and paranoid and disappointed in yourself and it's all those feelings in one go and you're hungover?

I NEED TO BE ABLET O FIND THESE WORDS*

via GIPHY

Why do they tell you (Mams) that you need to put on new underwear in case you get hit by a bus and end up in hospital so as to impress the Nurses with your clean pants? Because surely if you were hit by a bus you would shit yourself.

Why do we spend so much time and energy adorning our fleshy outers. What good is that. Why is that part so important?

OH HIYI THERE I DID NOT SEE YOU UNDER MY BED

Challenging myself to write a blog post in 15 minutes. Because I have been procrastinating till now. Well actually, filling in my tax return. But I am so used to procrastinating in life any task to me is now a form of procrastinating till I don't know what. Death?



Thoughts when filling in my taxes made typed letters on Twitter:


Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day about how, in the realm of blogging, often we wait too long for something worth happening to blog about, and then never blog for months on end. In fact you can hear that whole conversation and more here. Because it was when I was interviewing Ella Gordon about Wool Week for the Shetland Times podcast:

You can follow this incorrectly spelled link I made here for all my podcasts for Shetland Times:

Shetland Times Podcase

Fond moments from the Fringe, Buffet and Screenplay!

Been home for just over a week. And I remember what it's like on Shetland, an island of family and friends. So I'm heading off to find some fresh maet (men), but before I go, let me tell you how I am and what I'm been up to.

                                                 

Sitting in September, tired, with a beer belly and spotted skin. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, but all because of the last few weeks. An absolutely packed August and it was good. As to how I'm feeling now? I didn't expect to feel anything different. 

This year was my first full Edinburgh Fringe run. Whilst last year was my first time performing at the Fringe, I only did 11 shows. This was a full run with the PBH Free Fringe. 21 shows, over 22 days, with extra guest slots and filming for the BBC during. It would be too easy for me to fall into a detailed retelling of all the anecdotes from the last month, including The Buffet and Screenplay. It would also be too easy to gush endlessly about new friendships and sweet moments of catching up with old acquaintances.