I found something out.

I have finally got the internet in my home.

This is good.

I have work to do.

So let me write a blog here first.

I've been up to, actually thinking about it, some of the biggest things I've done. Like move into a new home. Open for one of my favourite comedians, Sara Pascoe, in Mareel. My largest gig to date, due to a number of factors, like, number of people in the audience, opening for one of my favourite comedians and also, doing a proper 20 minute set for my own folks. As in Shetland folks, but yes, if you were wondering, my parents were there too. They're very proud.

Photo courtesy of http://www.shetnews.co.uk 

So there is a lot to discuss, there is more, there is more, but instead. Something revealed itself to me the other day, something I did not know about before. It changes a lot. Kind of turned things upside down for me.

And that is.

Elrond is a half elf.

WHAT.

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I am not being anti mix of anything, unless it's orc then go away. But no, half elf, it's just Elrond has always been the elfiest* elf I can think of besides Galadriel. When thinking 3rd Age. He even gives Arwen a hard time when she wants to bag aff with Aragon/Strider. Saying it won't end well. Well that's a kick in the teeth to your folks isn't it Elrond?

What is wrong with Arwen and Aragon? Is it that he can't travel with her to the Elven Shores? Because you have two hobbits and a wizard in your midst already. How about the lack of ability to produce bairns? You're the product of such a inter species relationship, what is it then? What is it?

Don't get me wrong, I like that a half elf is running the show at Rivendale, I like that he's still all elf. You can be half something, doesn't stop you fully embodying whatever part of you that is.

I just don't get his stick with Aragon. Don't get it.

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I would also like you to know, that in true form of this blog of not doing stuff properly, I haven't once consolidated my books on this (you know, Tolkien's ones) to give more light or correct anything I've said.

Actually I'm going to grab a couple and prove this to you. Ok here I go with the books...

...

...

Now.

Ok, let's start with where we all met Elrond, unless he was in the Hobbit, I forget a lot and I don't have that book. HE IS IN IT. I think. Anyway, skipping that one.

Tolkien's: The Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring

(I'm glad you're with me for this journey of discovery)

Book II (Yes still Fellowship not skipped ahead to Two Towers) Chapter 1: Many Meetings

I need to read some. I'll post notes as I go along.

- Holy crap I've been spelling Aragorn's name wrong this entire post till now. Sorry about that, told you I was working with what parts of my brain talk back.


- Elrond's here at the Council and he's looking fine for being so old.

- Sorry I've just been reading, I read two chapters and could've read more if it wasn't late and reading the book is now procrastinating from writing this post which is procrastinating from work.

Let's just go straight to

 Tolkien's: The Silmarillion

I swear Elrond is in all the ages. Let's check.

- Oh yeah here we go. On the page flap, haven't even started the book yet.

Page Flap reads:

"The Silmarillion, though published last and posthumously, has the primacy, both in terms of the author's life and in terms of its content. It is the story of the First Age in TOlkien's world, the ancient drama to which characters in The Lord of the Rings look back, and in whose events some of them, such as Elrond and Galadriel, took part."

So he's really old. Even for a full blooded elf.

- I just found my bookmark at page 118. There is no way, no way, I had read that much. I love Tolkien and his Middle-earth. but the Silmarillion is hard going man. This is tough enough just trying to find when Elrond first appears.

- Oh great there is an index. I will have this in a moment. I could have it now if I stopped typing thi

Index:

"Elrond Son of Eärendil and Elwing, who at the end of the First Age chose to belong to the Firstborn, and remained in Middle-earth until the end of the Third Age; master of Imladris (Rivendell) and keeper of Vilya, the Ring of Air, which he had recieved from Gil-gilad. Called Master Elrond and Elrond Half-elven. The name means 'Star-dome'."

So what I get from that is:

1) I've been spelling Rivendell wrong earlier sorry

2) Elrond got given some air from Gil-gilad and was trolled into believing it was a ring

3) How did I not notice I was spelling Rivendell wrong when I was reading Fellowship of the Ring a few minutes ago? We were even in Rivendell

4) He is definitely a half elf.

So that's that. Elrond is a half elf. Although I'm pretty sure his mother Elwing was like a bird. Maybe he's not even half human. Maybe he's half elf. Half something else. I should've checked better. Whatever it is. He's a half elf.

Which is totally cool, I just wish he'd be less pissy with his daughter about her choice of partner.

But then again, that is his attitude in the film. I can't remember what happens in the books. Maybe I'm entirely incorrect here.

I think getting the internet was a bad idea.

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*Most elven.

Why I have a good knowledge of HTML

How great/terrible was Neopets?

Great because it was the best thing ever.

Terrible because it was the best thing ever and took up all my time/the family's internet/phone cause that's still when we were on the ol' one line dial up.

So for anyone who doesn't know what Neopets is, you are missing out on your second life. Actually Second Life is a thing, and anyone who doesn't know what that is, it's your second life, and if you know of Neopets but not Second Life you are missing your third. I stop this now.

Anyway. Neopets is a whole world (well the world is Neopia) but it's this website where you have these pets and they can have pets and you can paint all of them with brushes and feed them and battle them and go on quests and build a house and collect your interest from the bank and talk to strangers in the chatrooms.

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Imagine this film...

Picture this:

Ok, so Will Smith is a cop, I was thinking it was in LA. Wherever he is, he lives with his family in a dodgy neighbourhood. Right next to a gang. And he has hilarious banter with them like, one time, when killing fairies in his garden:

The gang's all like "That's not allowed!" 

and Will is all "Today it is"
as he pounds the fairy with a broom.

Anyway, on his cop duties, for better integration of different folks within the force Will Smith is paired with a Goblin. To be a shining example for all creatures.

I know what you're thinking: 

it's a lot like Zootropolis/Zootopia. 

But bare with it because, during a police shift, Will and the Goblin go and do police work in places like Elf Land and Pixie Place. In one of these quarters they find this misfit girl, probably some kind of Fairie, and she has this extremely powerful Magic Wand. It can grant wishes. (Queue scene with hilarious banter on what they'd wish for). Anyway, some evil pixies and elves want it. So there's a lot of car chase sequences, including a Skoda or something. Then they have to work as an unlikely cop duo to save the girl and secure the wand.

I have been thinking today

Is there a name for the feeling when  you open your purse after a night out and then there's no cash left and you're horrified and confused and paranoid and disappointed in yourself and it's all those feelings in one go and you're hungover?

I NEED TO BE ABLET O FIND THESE WORDS*

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Why do they tell you (Mams) that you need to put on new underwear in case you get hit by a bus and end up in hospital so as to impress the Nurses with your clean pants? Because surely if you were hit by a bus you would shit yourself.

Why do we spend so much time and energy adorning our fleshy outers. What good is that. Why is that part so important?