Da Helly Nichts Pt. 2 More Nights.

Happy Hogmanay, 

(or in Shetland 'Newrdie').

Last time I blogged I started on a tale of Shetland's traditional Holy Nights,

(or in Shetland 'Helly Nichts').

these are the traditional festive nights of the winter season. Like the Norwegian celebrations, we have a span of 24 nights of festivity around Christmas.

(or in Shetland 'Jül' - and let's keep referring it to that from now on cause I like the umlauts).

Anyway as the tale was posted on the 21st of December, I was only part way through the journey of our Helly Nichts so let me continue now.

If you need to catch up and read about the first five, click this link here:

Da Helly Nichts Blogpost

Also, if you want the audible version of the experience, although may differ wildly from blog post, follow this link here:

Roseanne & Marjolein: Shetland's Helly Nichts

So yeah, that's where me and my Secret Santie *SPOILERS* Roseanne, discuss the Shetland traditions and how she created the whole magical journey of discovery for me. Cheers again, best journey ever. I should mention, a lot of these traditions I had never heard about before, and hope, using this blog and podcast to reach as many more folk who may not know about them. These are traditions from our past in Shetland, let's revive them, especially the Tammasmas one, already going to get that as a holiday for 2018. (See below).

LET'S JOURNEY ON:

So last time we got as far as 21st December, AKA the shortest day, AKA Tammasmas Nicht; where no work us to be done and ale must be consumed in celebration till the sunrises on the 22nd. Wuooooay!

As you may remember, or have just read, the last few days of cards and presents had all been delivered by a mysterious guizer in a car park outside my work when I shouted in their face.

So the next card in the bag of goodies to open was on the 24th. Which, this year, happened to be a double barrled day of Holliness for Shetlanders. Let me split the one day of two celebrations into two sections right here for you:

Sunday 24th December - Byanna's Sunday

So, the last Sunday before Jül is Byanna's Sunday.

So the meal on this night is a boiled up cow's head. You then make sure the skull is stripped and cleaned and candles placed in it's sockets for use another day...

Very simple, and if you don't have a cow's head, any other edible beast's head will do: sheep, pig, manatee etc.

Sunday 24th - Jül  Eve

The traditions of this night are quite similar to those of Tul-Yas-E'en. The night where the trows are free to roam the earth. In the height of Jül their powers are strong, and more precautions are needed to protect yourself from their magic.

On this night you must:

- Wash yourself in three living embers from the fire, I did that, with peat, had to scrub the shower after but I smelt amazing. These living embers stop the trows from stealing the magic from your hands and feet.

- You must also wear clean, and if you can, new clothes.

My only clean/new clothes meant I ended up looking like an elf. But I forgot how elves stand.

- Tidy your house as trows despise clutter.

- Keep the door unlocked, you cannot lock  your house from the trows - But! Leave a tully knife (steel knife) above the door to stop them crossing the threshold. 

Other traditions include:

- Eating sun shaped cakes to celebrate the lengthening of the days.

- Leaving a burning candle in the window to let Midder Mary (Mother Mary) know she and her baby are welcome here. - I didn't do that cause fire safety. 

Then, finally, we come to....

Monday 25th December - Jül 

WE MADE IT. IT'S JÜL!

So, remember that beast's skull with the candles we prepared earlier? The man takes that, lit, and goes to the byres (sheds) to feed the animals, using that to light his way.

I should probably say now, remember how far North we are? 60 degrees. The hours of daylight start after 9.00am and end before it's 3.00pm. But this does help make it easier for me with one of the traditions I'll describe in a second..

Back to the byre:

When he feeds the livestock he'll give them extra food cause it's Jül.                                                                      

Another candle based tradition for Jül is that, throughout the year, the bairns (children) of the household, collect and store all the bits and ends of candles that would otherwise have been dumped. They take them all out on Jül morning and light them all, so breakfast is had by the dying light of many flames, celebrating, again, the lengthening of the sun. 

Then, and this is the tradition I knew about before this journey, and have been doing for years.

You must rise before the sun on Jül (not too hard due to the lack of sun as mentioned earlier) then the fiddler of the household wakens everyone up by playing Da Day Dawn, a traditional Shetland tune. It is custom to walk to your neighbour's house playing this. I walked to the ruin next door to play for the bodies. 

But yeah, then I went to the folks, gave and received parcels, ate food and other new fandangled Christmas traditions we all do these days. 

And before I depart for celebrations in preparation for Newrdie, let me share with you here my proudest achievement of 2017:
                                                  

What wonders can we achieve as a world next? 4?

Hope you all have a wonderful night and celebrate the coming of 2018!

However.

This is the new, modern and terrifying calendar. The original Shetland Newrdie is not till the 12th. In fact our Jül is not even until the 5th. So none of these dates have been correct.
So we're still in the helly nichts. So I have to wash myself with peats again. Today.

GOOD.

I LOVE DOING THAT.

GOOD NIGHT GUYS SEE YOU NEXT YEAR LOLOLOL!!1

Da Helly Nichts

I've been having the most amazing Secret Santie experience I could ever imagine. 

That might sound a lot like one of them inspirational 'You won't believe this magic secret' things but bear with me. Cause this is real, and I can't make money from telling you about this, unless you actually click on the adds. I monetised this blog years ago and have made 32p. Rolling in it.

 

 Anyway. 

Back to Secret Santie, yes, Santie, not a typo, that's what we call him up here in Shetland. And that is an extremely important point in this story, as my Secret Santie has not just given me gifts, no, they have led me on a continuing journey learning about the past traditions, beliefs and practices in Shetland around Christmas time, or should I say Yül. 

I always knew there were the Helly Nichts (Holy Nights) but I didn't really know anything past that. Then, on Wednesday 13th of December, a letter and parcel arrived for me at my work. And that's when I began my journey of discovery, and it's so awesome and cool, and the folklore it's about is so awesome and cool. So let me share everything I've learnt with you so far:

Wednesday 13th of December - Maunsemas Nicht

An envelope arrived at work with a parcel. Cause it's the season I got excited and opened the card. Thinking to leave the parcel for the big day. Then the card explained it was my Secret Santie and knowing how much I love Shetland and love folklore in general, they were going to teach me about Shetland Folklore by focussing on the eight Helly Nichts in Shetland, starting with that very night 'Maunsemas Nicht'. During which we celebrate the light by burning a candle. In the card were instructions to open the parcel and light the candle inside. So I did so, burnt it good whilst looking at this awesome picture of our oldest god Sea Midder (Sea Mother) they had also included in the parcel because she's the best.

I then expected that every night Secret Santie must deliver my package to work. But no, I was to be surprised each and every time... 

Monday 18th December - Tul-Yas-E'en / Helya's E'en

After a heavy night of drinking for my brother and my friend's birthdays I opened my handbag to find chocolates and a card... FROM SECRET SANTIE. Honestly we were drinking at house parties this person is sneaky. Anyway the card said open on the 18th, so I hid it so I wouldn't open it a day early, lost it in the house and then managed to find it at an Iron Maiden 2 minutes to Midnight.

This may be one of my favourite of the Helly Nichts as Tul-Yas-E'en is the night when trows, and I quote:

"were free to leave the heart of the earth and dwell, if they so pleased, above the ground."

The card also gave many enchatments and rituals from years past in Shetland to protect yourself from these hill folk. And for anyone who doesn't know what a trow is, it's like Shetland's version of the Norwegian Troll, but only about 3 - 4 foot in height. The card even included a painting of one, check this out:

They are often described with three eyes. Awesome.

Tuesday 19th December - Helyas Nicht or Tulya's Nicht

Comes directly after Helyas E'en. I went to my improv rehearsal and when I walked in there was a card and parcel waiting for me. GHOSTS. No, Secret Santie, you sneaky babe you. I got home before I opened it, made a giant meal of tattie mash and beans cause I'm 28. Then opened it. And it was about Helya's Nicht, when you put blessins on the bairns in the house and everyone eats a special bowl of hot milk and oats.

Well I was staapit fuu (very full) from my beans and mash, but in the parcel was a kit to make a very special bowl of hot milk and oats with all the chocolate you can imagine. So I ate more in the name of the Helly Nichts and was blessed. 

You should be able to read the blessing to give the bairns in this photo, otherwise, if it's unclear, blame Apple:

Now the next night is the one night I really know about Tammasmas, it's the most holy of the holy nights. However, I didn't know why or what you do, and now I know, I swear, I will always take time off to honour it as is the Shetland way, let's all do it. First, let me tell you how I learn how it's done, because this is the best Secret Santie move by far.

Wednesday 20th December - Tammasmas E'en

I left work in a hurry to get to the car and was accosted by a strange creature in the car park. A person (or Norse God cause that does happen) completely disguised, in this case as an old woman. We call them guizers in Shetland (disguised folk not old women). Anyway I got a gluff and then, well this is the conversation. They put on a funny voice so I was not sure who it was. I have my thoughts.

Guizer: Are you Marjolein?

Me:...Yes.

Guizer: I hae a present fir dee.

Me: From who?

Guizer: Da muckle man we da reindeer

(Then I looked and it was a bag full of parcels, I was thinking it was for me to deliver to someone else so I said)

Me: Who are they for?

Guizer: Dee 

Me: All of them?

Guizer: Yes

(To which I couldn't believe the amount of parcels and I screamed OH MY GOSH into their face in a way I've never heard my voice ever sound)

Me: OH MY GOSH

Now, bairns, if you ever meet a guizer the protocol is to be kind, welcoming and offer them things, not scream in their face. Especially in case it's a Norse God in disguise coming to join in in the party. They love a dram.

So back to what Tammasmas is:

It's the holiest day, it's the shortest day. Tammasmas E'en is the day before, the 20th, which is the last night before the shortest day. Now, what you need to do is set down whatever work you're doing before the sun sets on the 20th. As you should not work between sun down on the 20th and sun up on the 22nd, cool yeah, get's better. To observe the Holy Day you should drink ale, for ale is a sacred drink, so don't work and drink ale. 

Also I recieved a parcel of home made biscuits of an old Shetland recipe. They're shaped like the sun and baked and eaten in honour of it's return. 

The tin no longer looks this full cause Dad found it.

And so now, that's us in Tammasmas Nicht. Enjoy yourself, have a beer, do no work till the sun shines again damoarn and celebrate the lengthening of the days. 

Seriously let's all take it off next year.

And there's still more Helly Nichts to come! 

I'll write another blog post and explain them as I encounter them, with more details of who these nights are named after. I know I didn't do that this time but there was too much back story and too much ale cause Tammasmas. Cheers for the red cans! Cheers Tammasmas!

And cheers to aa o dee!

If you want translations for any of this write in comments below. x

I found something out.

I have finally got the internet in my home.

This is good.

I have work to do.

So let me write a blog here first.

I've been up to, actually thinking about it, some of the biggest things I've done. Like move into a new home. Open for one of my favourite comedians, Sara Pascoe, in Mareel. My largest gig to date, due to a number of factors, like, number of people in the audience, opening for one of my favourite comedians and also, doing a proper 20 minute set for my own folks. As in Shetland folks, but yes, if you were wondering, my parents were there too. They're very proud.

Photo courtesy of http://www.shetnews.co.uk 

So there is a lot to discuss, there is more, there is more, but instead. Something revealed itself to me the other day, something I did not know about before. It changes a lot. Kind of turned things upside down for me.

And that is.

Elrond is a half elf.

WHAT.

via GIPHY

I am not being anti mix of anything, unless it's orc then go away. But no, half elf, it's just Elrond has always been the elfiest* elf I can think of besides Galadriel. When thinking 3rd Age. He even gives Arwen a hard time when she wants to bag aff with Aragon/Strider. Saying it won't end well. Well that's a kick in the teeth to your folks isn't it Elrond?

What is wrong with Arwen and Aragon? Is it that he can't travel with her to the Elven Shores? Because you have two hobbits and a wizard in your midst already. How about the lack of ability to produce bairns? You're the product of such a inter species relationship, what is it then? What is it?

Don't get me wrong, I like that a half elf is running the show at Rivendale, I like that he's still all elf. You can be half something, doesn't stop you fully embodying whatever part of you that is.

I just don't get his stick with Aragon. Don't get it.

via GIPHY

I would also like you to know, that in true form of this blog of not doing stuff properly, I haven't once consolidated my books on this (you know, Tolkien's ones) to give more light or correct anything I've said.

Actually I'm going to grab a couple and prove this to you. Ok here I go with the books...

...

...

Now.

Ok, let's start with where we all met Elrond, unless he was in the Hobbit, I forget a lot and I don't have that book. HE IS IN IT. I think. Anyway, skipping that one.

Tolkien's: The Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring

(I'm glad you're with me for this journey of discovery)

Book II (Yes still Fellowship not skipped ahead to Two Towers) Chapter 1: Many Meetings

I need to read some. I'll post notes as I go along.

- Holy crap I've been spelling Aragorn's name wrong this entire post till now. Sorry about that, told you I was working with what parts of my brain talk back.


- Elrond's here at the Council and he's looking fine for being so old.

- Sorry I've just been reading, I read two chapters and could've read more if it wasn't late and reading the book is now procrastinating from writing this post which is procrastinating from work.

Let's just go straight to

 Tolkien's: The Silmarillion

I swear Elrond is in all the ages. Let's check.

- Oh yeah here we go. On the page flap, haven't even started the book yet.

Page Flap reads:

"The Silmarillion, though published last and posthumously, has the primacy, both in terms of the author's life and in terms of its content. It is the story of the First Age in TOlkien's world, the ancient drama to which characters in The Lord of the Rings look back, and in whose events some of them, such as Elrond and Galadriel, took part."

So he's really old. Even for a full blooded elf.

- I just found my bookmark at page 118. There is no way, no way, I had read that much. I love Tolkien and his Middle-earth. but the Silmarillion is hard going man. This is tough enough just trying to find when Elrond first appears.

- Oh great there is an index. I will have this in a moment. I could have it now if I stopped typing thi

Index:

"Elrond Son of Eärendil and Elwing, who at the end of the First Age chose to belong to the Firstborn, and remained in Middle-earth until the end of the Third Age; master of Imladris (Rivendell) and keeper of Vilya, the Ring of Air, which he had recieved from Gil-gilad. Called Master Elrond and Elrond Half-elven. The name means 'Star-dome'."

So what I get from that is:

1) I've been spelling Rivendell wrong earlier sorry

2) Elrond got given some air from Gil-gilad and was trolled into believing it was a ring

3) How did I not notice I was spelling Rivendell wrong when I was reading Fellowship of the Ring a few minutes ago? We were even in Rivendell

4) He is definitely a half elf.

So that's that. Elrond is a half elf. Although I'm pretty sure his mother Elwing was like a bird. Maybe he's not even half human. Maybe he's half elf. Half something else. I should've checked better. Whatever it is. He's a half elf.

Which is totally cool, I just wish he'd be less pissy with his daughter about her choice of partner.

But then again, that is his attitude in the film. I can't remember what happens in the books. Maybe I'm entirely incorrect here.

I think getting the internet was a bad idea.

via GIPHY

*Most elven.

Why I have a good knowledge of HTML

How great/terrible was Neopets?

Great because it was the best thing ever.

Terrible because it was the best thing ever and took up all my time/the family's internet/phone cause that's still when we were on the ol' one line dial up.

So for anyone who doesn't know what Neopets is, you are missing out on your second life. Actually Second Life is a thing, and anyone who doesn't know what that is, it's your second life, and if you know of Neopets but not Second Life you are missing your third. I stop this now.

Anyway. Neopets is a whole world (well the world is Neopia) but it's this website where you have these pets and they can have pets and you can paint all of them with brushes and feed them and battle them and go on quests and build a house and collect your interest from the bank and talk to strangers in the chatrooms.

via GIPHY

Imagine this film...

Picture this:

Ok, so Will Smith is a cop, I was thinking it was in LA. Wherever he is, he lives with his family in a dodgy neighbourhood. Right next to a gang. And he has hilarious banter with them like, one time, when killing fairies in his garden:

The gang's all like "That's not allowed!" 

and Will is all "Today it is"
as he pounds the fairy with a broom.

Anyway, on his cop duties, for better integration of different folks within the force Will Smith is paired with a Goblin. To be a shining example for all creatures.

I know what you're thinking: 

it's a lot like Zootropolis/Zootopia. 

But bare with it because, during a police shift, Will and the Goblin go and do police work in places like Elf Land and Pixie Place. In one of these quarters they find this misfit girl, probably some kind of Fairie, and she has this extremely powerful Magic Wand. It can grant wishes. (Queue scene with hilarious banter on what they'd wish for). Anyway, some evil pixies and elves want it. So there's a lot of car chase sequences, including a Skoda or something. Then they have to work as an unlikely cop duo to save the girl and secure the wand.

I have been thinking today

Is there a name for the feeling when  you open your purse after a night out and then there's no cash left and you're horrified and confused and paranoid and disappointed in yourself and it's all those feelings in one go and you're hungover?

I NEED TO BE ABLET O FIND THESE WORDS*

via GIPHY

Why do they tell you (Mams) that you need to put on new underwear in case you get hit by a bus and end up in hospital so as to impress the Nurses with your clean pants? Because surely if you were hit by a bus you would shit yourself.

Why do we spend so much time and energy adorning our fleshy outers. What good is that. Why is that part so important?

OH HIYI THERE I DID NOT SEE YOU UNDER MY BED

Challenging myself to write a blog post in 15 minutes. Because I have been procrastinating till now. Well actually, filling in my tax return. But I am so used to procrastinating in life any task to me is now a form of procrastinating till I don't know what. Death?



Thoughts when filling in my taxes made typed letters on Twitter:


Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day about how, in the realm of blogging, often we wait too long for something worth happening to blog about, and then never blog for months on end. In fact you can hear that whole conversation and more here. Because it was when I was interviewing Ella Gordon about Wool Week for the Shetland Times podcast:

You can follow this incorrectly spelled link I made here for all my podcasts for Shetland Times:

Shetland Times Podcase

Fond moments from the Fringe, Buffet and Screenplay!

Been home for just over a week. And I remember what it's like on Shetland, an island of family and friends. So I'm heading off to find some fresh maet (men), but before I go, let me tell you how I am and what I'm been up to.

                                                 

Sitting in September, tired, with a beer belly and spotted skin. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, but all because of the last few weeks. An absolutely packed August and it was good. As to how I'm feeling now? I didn't expect to feel anything different. 

This year was my first full Edinburgh Fringe run. Whilst last year was my first time performing at the Fringe, I only did 11 shows. This was a full run with the PBH Free Fringe. 21 shows, over 22 days, with extra guest slots and filming for the BBC during. It would be too easy for me to fall into a detailed retelling of all the anecdotes from the last month, including The Buffet and Screenplay. It would also be too easy to gush endlessly about new friendships and sweet moments of catching up with old acquaintances. 

Brexit Moments

I am writing this quickly before I go to sleep. I was going to go straight to sleep tonight. (Sorry Edinburgh Fringe I'll be worse behaved tomorrow). But I couldn't switch off my mind, and now I realise why and I have to share it.

I'm just over a week of my run in the Edinburgh Fringe with my show and for the first time I encountered something I had never before, not in person, and not ever, until now.

I have a moment in the show when I ask if anyone voted for Brexit. A few times folk put up their hands, I pass off a comment that each to their own for their own valid reasons but move onto a punchline, and move on straight away. It's painless all round.

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu

That time Donna and I had to drive somewhere quickly and then took an hour and a half detour to look at a sign.

So Donna and I were in Hastings the last couple of weeks to make some money picking fruit. With all the rain there wasn't much work. But there was the Dixie Chicks. So instead of saving money we spent all our money going to see them. Priorities.

The Chicks were flawless. One of the best gigs I've ever been to.


But back to the story. The reason there hadn't been much fruit picking was because we had the tail of Cyclone Debbie from Australia lashing over Aotearoa. We weren't much affected in Hastings, certainly not compared to other parts of the country, but we did get rain. Rain is enough to call off fruit picking. So after Debbie subsided we got a few days work, picking grapes and kiwi fruits, but then we heard Cyclone Cook was going to arrive. Definitely no fruit picking then. 

Therefore Donna and I decided to head South before the Cyclone hit so we could get to Wellington. From here I'm planning to get to the South Island. So I was worried there may be roads cut off. Even if there was no cyclone I was keen to get down to Wellington before Easter Weekend traffic picks up.

It's our Anniversary!

I love you Oklahoma. 


To give you some context to our love I have to go back a month and explain when we first met.


And I should also tell you Oklahoma is a car. A 1989 Mitsubishi Lancer and I love her. 

B44s 4 evur

I realised four weeks ago that I would really need to get my own vehicle to get exploring New Zealand. I was in the Coromandel, in the North of the North Island, and at the time fortune had it that my cousin's friend's were selling their beauty (the Lancer). She is the same age as me. You do the maths. Also my birthday is May 19th. However she'd only ever driven 200k before and her longest journey to date was from the Coromandel to Whangarei. Now I'm taking her all the way from the top of the North Island to the bottom of the South Island.